A learned memory

Life to me is one big lesson. As long as we are alive it is our duty to keep learning, making new memories and gaining new experiences. My motto that I try to adhere to is to try and learn at least one new thing on a daily basis.

 

I have noticed about myself that the lessons that stick with me the most are the ones that were hardest to learn.  This concurs with the sentence "If you acquire the new skill or knowledge slowly and laboriously, that's learning."

 

I won't necessarily take someone's word, I annoyingly have to learn the hard way -- through experience. I cannot pick one specific incident that taught me the lesson I want to tell you about. Unfortunately, I learn the hard way which is seldom the fast way  in one single incident.

 

I would say, the time the realization became completely and painfully clear to me was after I had my son. I was new in a foreign country, alone with little/no family, none of my old close friends, not doing too well in the financial department either just to add the additional facet to my stress.

I had made some new friends: or I thought I had. I always helped them out in any way they asked or needed during the time I lived here. I didn't do it so that they would help me out in return, though I wrongly assumed that they would do the same for me. To me that's what friends are for.  

 

After the birth of my son I found myself struggling to cope and yet none of these so called friends were available to help me when I needed it. At the time this was quite shocking to me, I had always gone out of my way to help them in any way needed, many times putting my needs second to theirs. To realize that the people you cared about and you thought cared about you, truly only had their own interests in mind was a difficult lesson to learn, painful even.  

I have since learned not to totally give up on my belief, that we should be helping one another. However, I now will first take into consideration any adverse consequence  helping others may have to me or my family -- my one and only true concern.

Truth be told, I say it became clear after I had my son, I actually was aware of this prior to this period in my life. You could say that I hadn't learned this lesson to the full extent until I was truly left hanging at a time in my life when it was the most important not to be. As I said I learn the long and hard way, but it is one lesson I won't forget in a hurry.

I have learned the following: 

 

*Live for yourself, not only for others. No one else is going to try and please you if you don't try and please yourself.

 

 

*Don't judge people by your own standards if you don't like being judged by theirs, accept and respect that it is each to their own.

 

 

The feeling of being left hanging is a memory I would rather forget, but it is one I should never forget, for the memory of my experience of that period in my life has forced me to internalize an important lesson that in turn has helped me gain so much more from my life for myself and my family.

How effective or ineffective is physical punishment in correcting children's behavior?

Physical punishment can convey to the recipient the idea that physical aggression is permissible and perhaps even desirable. how effective or ineffective is physical punishment in correcting children's behavior?

From my personal experiences, I have seen that physical punishment can be both effective and ineffective. It very much depends on the child in question, to what methods that specific child responds to better, and the lesson/behavioral change that is trying to be implemented. 

 

 

I believe physical punishment should only be used when the child's safety or health are at risk. If physical punishment is saved for only such circumstances, the impact will be stronger and worth the risk of the child in question thinking that the aggression is desirable and/or permissible. However, if you were to say, smack the child every time he/she misbehaves the physical punishment will quite soon not have the desired impact. The child will quite possibly grow up with the feeling that it's okay to, for example, push, hit, and/or pinch when someone doesn't do exactly as told. 

I believe that positive reinforcement is a much more effective way to affect change in a child's behavior. Instilling that ideal into a child from a young age would be a lot more beneficial for the child in his or her journey through life into adulthood.

 

 

There are however many cultures that recognize physical punishment as being the only way to raise a child and they do not pay much attention to the changing times or question these methods. It is the only way they know. It's the way they were raised and they do not feel or notice the effects it has had on them.  The last sentence in itself proves the statement in question to be true; "physical punishment does convey that it is permissible and in some cases the desirable way to handle issues."

 

Even after all of the above, I would still say that physical punishment still has a time and place, that time and place needs to be chosen carefully. As mentioned before, in circumstances that the child's health and or safety are at risk. If they were to run into the street or they are playing with something dangerous, I wouldn't hesitate to give the child a quick smack on their behind accompanied by a clear explanation to the danger of what they were doing as a reason for the smack. However, in general I would use physical punishment only as a last resort.

 

Dream Analysis

Analyze your most vivid dream using the following perspective:

1. according to the psychoanalytic/psychodynamic view, what might be the forbidden, unconscious fears, drives, or desires represented by your dream?  can you identify the manifest content versus the latent content?

2. psychologists from the cognitive perspective believe dreams provide important information, help us make needed changes in our life, and even suggest solutions to real-life problems.  Do you agree or disagree? does your dream provide an in sight that increases your self-understanding?

having analyzed your dream from two different perspectives, can you see how it is a challenge to find the one right answer? critical thinkers can synthesize the information and develop greater understanding, but no one single theory reveals the whole picture.

 

 

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As best I can recall my dream is as follows:

I am waiting in a nondescript hotel lobby with a few acquaintances for last person in group to head out for something.  Its taking ages, and its apparent to me that I am the only one in the group getting anxious about the waiting around and that some people (no clue who we were waiting for)  have no issue to keep people waiting as if no one but themselves are important enough and others' time is of no consequence when it comes to them doing what they want.  I decide to voice my opinion about being kept waiting and how improper  and inconsiderate it was of the person.  It bothers me that no one else is bothered and just say what's the big deal?  The next thing that happens is I can't find my phone in the lobby, so I decide to go back to my room to see if there if they anyhow waiting.  I walk through the hotel restaurant that just materialized seemingly out of nowhere.  I see some random school class mates from high school back in 1996.  Most of them look like they have been stuck in a time warp, they compliment me on how good I look since last seeing them.  I look for the elevator, press button.. a door opens up but it's the stairs... see next wall over what looks like more elevators.. press.. something else pops open... it looks like elevator... once get in I see steps but I see burns for floor.. I suddenly notice I have key hanging with room number I thought I didn't know. I Press the room

number then suddenly the floor moves but I see there are no walls to this elevator! It starts moving laterally and in what seems like unconstrained by any shaft or wiring. The sensation feels  familiar, as if I've been in such an elevator before.  I threw myself and son (who I suddenly realize is holding my hand, he wasn't there earlier) down on the floor and I see somewhere that this is the design elevator.. no clue what that means.. suddenly a man pokes head around a wall after I've shrieked in fear after the elevator lurched and me and my son almost full of the flimsy elevator... he is sitting swinging his feet out of side.  I yell at him to grab my son.. I'm not sure if he does. He said we be landing in any min to the location I chose for the train ... I remember there are 2 train stations with same name. one right next hotel the other across town.. I have no money, and we arrive at other side of town.. the guy gets out and leaves me to open door on the wobbly still stopping van that is in the process of rolling over... I get me and my son out and then it rolls and kind of lands upright again with flames inside.. of course we are across town.. I start trudging towards the hotel and the destination seems to get further and further.. my son no longer in dream.. I see a girl pass me, she used to be babysitter but quit, leaving me in the lurch.. walking uphill slower and with more of a struggle than everyone else around me. the uphill walk seems particularly tough and destination is miles away with no option of getting their faster and I keep on going grabbing hold of anything that will assist me in taking another step...then my dear son wakes me from my miserable anxiety ridden dream.

 

 

There are many different elements to the dream.  However, I have picked just a couple of them to keep this assignment manageable and focused.

One common thread through out the dream is that it was full of unexpected surprises.  My phone which I'm sure I had, is suddenly nowhere, a hotel restaurant suddenly appears, people I haven't thought about in years are sitting there, I was waiting for elevator but then it turned out to be just steps then the elevator had no walls, my room key shows up, then my son, then the guy swinging his feet of the end of the elevator floor. I end up 'landing' in a truck of sorts that explodes after rolling and still somehow landing on its wheels. the hidden guy was quite unhelpful even in face of danger. 

I would say it symbolizes my life and all the constant changes I have made, rolling with the punches.  It has been full of surprises and changes in direction yet I have never given up.  I took the time to work out a new path and focus on it and I may go as far as saying I was always aware of the right thing to do subconsciously (my room key showing up, my son being a big part of my decisions).  Come to think of it I noticed the elevator was strange but got in anyway, that decision had to do with my son holding my hand, giving me the feeling that I can't give up on what I am trying to achieve in my life, in my marriage.  Without my son I do not believe that I would persevere and fight as hard for the achievements I want and need.

Along the way I meet many other unforeseen challenges head on. the babysitter walking past me and me not even saying anything to her in my dream signifies in my opinion to how I have learned to handle what I now would refer to as small hurdles whereas they used to be big almost debilitating hurdles for me.  Instead of focusing on why she left and what her calculations were, I don't waste my time or energy on that anymore.  I try and focus on what I need to do to rectify the situation to best suit myself, that doesn't include trying to work out why/how someone would/could up and quit from one day to next without any thought to the repercussion caused as a result to others.

The dream overall gives me a general feeling of unease, the struggle - even the simple walking, the unexpected frights and turns.  However, when I look a little deeper I start to see that my dream showing me that I am strong and capable and not as easily phased as I thought. It has also made me more aware that I know many of the answers I am searching for in my subconscious and that I should take more time to address searching them out from within myself.  Most importantly, its going take more than what I've been through to date for me to raise my hand and give up. 

This dream can serve as 'woe is me' story.  However, I am choosing to take it as a dream of encouragement and acknowledgement.  Life isn't easy, no one ever said it would be.  My dream is helping me realize how far I have gotten doing things the way I have been.  It has been an uphill struggle for the most of it, but unexpectedly things and paths become apparent and my son makes it all worth it.  He becomes visible in my dream when most important for me to stay focused and keep going to reach my goals. I guess something I haven't fully acknowledged is that he is my biggest motivation. Quite the opposite of what I have unfortunately thought at some desperate times, that he was a hindrance.

Manifest and latent content; The entire fictional depiction of my dream is the manifest (excluding the real people in my every day life, namely my son.)  The latent is open to interpretation. As I mentioned earlier I have chosen to apply it positively but it would be just as easy for someone, without having the knowledge of what my life has been like till the day I dreamed it, to interpret it as a story of only struggle.  I have what I would say is the luck and others might say the misfortune, of having the knowledge of the intricate details of my life and therefore can interpret my dream positively to help me rather than hinder me in my future unexpected surprises.  Another incident where perception is different depending on your attitude, background and experience. 

When I started writing I wasn't sure what I believed regarding dreams and their interpretation.  Now that I have completed, I find myself agreeing with psychologists of the cognitive perspective. They believe dreams provide important information, help us make needed changes in our life, and even suggest solutions to real-life problems.  My dream has provided me with some new added insight that has in turn increased my self-understanding.

Sensing The World Around Us - How two people can see the same thing and interpret it differently!

Take into consideration that;

 

1: Perception is the process by which individuals organize and interpret their sensory impressions in order to give meaning to their environment
and that

2: people selectively interpret what they see on the basis of their interest, background, experience, and attitudes.

 

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Scenario: A man and woman in a long term (yet troubled) committed relationship. For the purpose of the story I will be naming the boyfriend Jack and the girlfriend Mary.

Background: Mary is accustomed to conceding to Jack's wants and wishes. Jack has
history of being self centered and narcissistic. Reasons for their respective behaviors (if she enables his narcissism etc.. if his narcissism stems from childhood survival instincts etc.) are not relevant for the purpose of this paper.

Jack would like to attend an exclusive costly function, based on his interests, that is taking place around the time of Mary's birthday. In order to attend he would have to be away for her birthday. Mary is hoping that Jack will just for this one day show her that he is able to make that day all about her.

However, Jack in his mindset decides to do something for Mary's birthday that will still give him what he wants. He decides to treat her to go along to this function even though this is function is based on his interest. True to his perspective, he believes he is really treating Mary for her birthday by spending the extra money on her so she can also travel and attend this exclusive expensive function.

Mary of course sees this totally different. She sees this as just another way for Jack to get what he wants. The function is based on his interests, not hers, she doesn't share this interest with him. He may be spending the extra money because it's her birthday but he is spending it so that he can still get what he wants. She would probably prefer to do something more catered to her interests and less about him.

Majority of their friends and family see it as a lovely gesture on Jack's behalf, treating Mary to a lovely quiet trip for two. Jack sees it that way too. However, Mary and her close friends that are privy to her struggle with his self centered behavior in the past, see it the same way she does. He is treating her once again as an accessory to his life. Mary's previous experience with Jack has caused her to look at this with a negative spin. In the grander picture it actually was a gesture that was offered by Jack for the occasion of Mary's birthday but it wasn't a gesture that focused on her birthday. She was being treated to go along with his own plans instead of him going alone and her being alone for her birthday.

In summary, depending on your interest (Jack wanting to attend the function and Mary wanting day focused on her and additionally not sharing the interest in the event) and experience (Mary's wants and desires taking a backseat to Jack's wants and desires in the past) and attitude (Jack's narcissistic attitude and Mary's resulting negative take) this incident could come across either positively or negatively.

If Mary shared the same interest as the Jack and he didn't have a narcissistic history, which would mean her wants had not always come second to his in the past then this could have been considered a wonderfully romantic gesture by most parties. But, the different experiences, interest, and attitudes cause them to perceive this incident in polar opposite ways.

This leads me to make the following conclusion. Perception - the process by which individuals organize and interpret their impressions in order to give meaning to their environment - is very much affected by how people selectively interpret what they see on the basis of their interest, background, experience, and attitudes. Had this been a lone incident with no preceding incidents of selfishness on jack's behalf then this whole scenario would NOT have been perceived as an issue at all. Furthermore, had Jack not had the attitude of everything being about his own desires first, then he would have perceived that Mary would like her birthday to be a day that should be all about her and his function would not have become the focus for her birthday.

What is reality? if what we perceive is often wrong then how can we be sure what is real and what isn't.