Sensing The World Around Us - How two people can see the same thing and interpret it differently!

Take into consideration that;

 

1: Perception is the process by which individuals organize and interpret their sensory impressions in order to give meaning to their environment
and that

2: people selectively interpret what they see on the basis of their interest, background, experience, and attitudes.

 

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Scenario: A man and woman in a long term (yet troubled) committed relationship. For the purpose of the story I will be naming the boyfriend Jack and the girlfriend Mary.

Background: Mary is accustomed to conceding to Jack's wants and wishes. Jack has
history of being self centered and narcissistic. Reasons for their respective behaviors (if she enables his narcissism etc.. if his narcissism stems from childhood survival instincts etc.) are not relevant for the purpose of this paper.

Jack would like to attend an exclusive costly function, based on his interests, that is taking place around the time of Mary's birthday. In order to attend he would have to be away for her birthday. Mary is hoping that Jack will just for this one day show her that he is able to make that day all about her.

However, Jack in his mindset decides to do something for Mary's birthday that will still give him what he wants. He decides to treat her to go along to this function even though this is function is based on his interest. True to his perspective, he believes he is really treating Mary for her birthday by spending the extra money on her so she can also travel and attend this exclusive expensive function.

Mary of course sees this totally different. She sees this as just another way for Jack to get what he wants. The function is based on his interests, not hers, she doesn't share this interest with him. He may be spending the extra money because it's her birthday but he is spending it so that he can still get what he wants. She would probably prefer to do something more catered to her interests and less about him.

Majority of their friends and family see it as a lovely gesture on Jack's behalf, treating Mary to a lovely quiet trip for two. Jack sees it that way too. However, Mary and her close friends that are privy to her struggle with his self centered behavior in the past, see it the same way she does. He is treating her once again as an accessory to his life. Mary's previous experience with Jack has caused her to look at this with a negative spin. In the grander picture it actually was a gesture that was offered by Jack for the occasion of Mary's birthday but it wasn't a gesture that focused on her birthday. She was being treated to go along with his own plans instead of him going alone and her being alone for her birthday.

In summary, depending on your interest (Jack wanting to attend the function and Mary wanting day focused on her and additionally not sharing the interest in the event) and experience (Mary's wants and desires taking a backseat to Jack's wants and desires in the past) and attitude (Jack's narcissistic attitude and Mary's resulting negative take) this incident could come across either positively or negatively.

If Mary shared the same interest as the Jack and he didn't have a narcissistic history, which would mean her wants had not always come second to his in the past then this could have been considered a wonderfully romantic gesture by most parties. But, the different experiences, interest, and attitudes cause them to perceive this incident in polar opposite ways.

This leads me to make the following conclusion. Perception - the process by which individuals organize and interpret their impressions in order to give meaning to their environment - is very much affected by how people selectively interpret what they see on the basis of their interest, background, experience, and attitudes. Had this been a lone incident with no preceding incidents of selfishness on jack's behalf then this whole scenario would NOT have been perceived as an issue at all. Furthermore, had Jack not had the attitude of everything being about his own desires first, then he would have perceived that Mary would like her birthday to be a day that should be all about her and his function would not have become the focus for her birthday.

What is reality? if what we perceive is often wrong then how can we be sure what is real and what isn't.